JabberJuls

I’ve been raised to stand up for what is Right. You may have been too. Just know there are unspoken rules though between Family members (shouldn’t be, but there is)

Well, this is what I have learned from standing up for something that was wrong within my family. Yes, I’m completely venting here….so don’t read it if it’ll offend you.

Sounds extremely strange to say this, but It’s true and has happened to me.

Never…I say… Never…ever, tell your family member when something inappropriate has happened to her child in front of your very own eyes by a friend of hers. Unless you plan to be rejected from your whole family because of it and have the real situation turned around on you like you’re some liar, freak, that has harsh evil intentions.

I know what you’re saying. Why not tell? You would think a parent would want to know if something was happening to her child and do something about it, investigate it, and protect her child or something. I know I would want to know. You’d imagine, that she’d trust you, heck you are her sister, and there’s no way you’d make something up like this or even come to her unless it was a pretty serious thing. It’s a tough decision to make and take the chance of losing every family member’s relationship for saying something to help.

From my situation, I thought my sister would actually believe what I had to tell her, especially since my son witnessed it also. If it was me finding this out, I would have taken the information and looked around for other signs between the people involved and deal with reality.

Shockingly, the “no way” attitude or “that couldn’t happen” attitude presented itself and it all began. She asks her child if it happened and he says,”Yes it happened. We always do that.” Then after a pause, he tries to correct himself oooh it was here that it happened. Then it was there that it happened. So my sister calls the guy that did it and he denies it happened (of course he would-he’s not stupid). After my sister had the guy over to her house with her son present and they all talked. The child all of a sudden changes his story to… it didn’t happen. Oddest part is then the guy that did the illegal act cons my sister into believing that I never saw what we saw and other crazy ways to manipulate the situation. Way off from what really took place. Woooowwwww!!! OK So my sister now lives in this false reality of demons made me see something or there’s nothing wrong with kissing any way or whatever. Even though she started seeing other odd things that were going on and had to make some really serious boundaries for the relationship between her son and this guy. Hmmm….nothing fishy there.
So then we get in this email discussion, which anything I say is now intentionally evil to her. I only did the email to actually document what was being said, because I found that during discussions on the phone…she changed her stories so many times to fit her unreal belief… it was pretty crazy. But I’m the evil one.

I don’t advise anyone trying to face such a thing, but hey… you do what you think you must do to protect a nephew and sister that just went through a divorce, her son’s suicide and other issues, among lots of other frustrations she was enduring at the time.

Yeah I know, you think you’re trying to help stop something that shouldn’t be happening. Who knew that my sister would basically call me evil and stop talking to me. In the meantime, the guy that did the act, is getting free access to her son. Worst part for me is all she could say to me was how he’s such a wonderful Godly man, even more Godly than my Father. Eeeeekkkk that’s scary, this man that just did something to her son!!

Well, I prayed about this issue for quite sometime on whether there was anything more I should do or let it go. Went over and over in my head exactly what I saw. Actually couldn’t get it out of my mind because it was so easily talked away.

Every where I looked seemed like confirmation that this wasn’t over for me. I’d see molesters being tried on news channels for similar stuff, I’d read the word for the day and of course the verses on homosexuality being an abomination to God, Matthew 18:6 whoever causes a little one to sin, Matthew 18:15-17 what to do when a brother sins against you, all kinds of stuff.

So finally all I could do was get on my knees and just cry to the Lord…”What do I do about this Lord? My sister is convinced this is innocent even though it isn’t.” The Lord gave me peace and reminded me of Matthew 18:15-17. So I followed it. I went to my Pastor that I trusted and asked for advice, which I followed the advice to the T. Thing is…only my sister could do any more to intervene or keep an eye on her son. So turning it as if I’m the problem, what more could I do. Nothing. So I gave it all to the Lord and just maintained a cordial relationship with my sister, of course not wanting to be around the guy.
My advice: Just consider a possible end result before doing it—
The end result could be like mine: they’ll never believe it happened, the guy that did it gets away with it, your sister and family members will think you’re a horrible Christian— because for some odd reason you don’t want anything to do with the guy that did this to your nephew—they feel you are so in need of Forgiveness and so unloving for even telling them about it because its between me & my sister. They may even tell you that you need to Forgive him and go on like nothing happened.

No matter what you say or do—they will still choose to believe whatever their mind chooses to make the situation ok. For all I know, my sister may have already known it was going on in the first place…who really knows. I don’t want to believe that, but who’s to know after what I saw with my own eyes. Especially after my sister’s comment to me, “What would you do if my son was Gay? Would you have a problem with that?”

Of course I wouldn’t have a problem with him, that’s between him and God. I may not want to be around him much, but he’s my nephew, I’d still love him and pray for him. I don’t condone the behavior. Hmmm….where did that comment come from in the first place? I still wonder about that.

Then the next thing I hear from other family members (my niece) is that my sister is telling people and family that I’m calling her son Gay. Whoaaaaa there, that never happened!!! Next I hear she’s making people read our discussion emails, that at times were harsh from both of us.

That was interesting to findout. Unfortunately for the people that read my emails, they’re wordy, full of details, and I always share what I honestly feel. I’d be curious to see how she stripped the honesty and truth out of my emails. It must be convincing to get the family to listen.

Yet…the family wants me to continue being around this…and I need to embrace forgiveness. How does forgiveness fit here? OK… I forgive my sister from disappointing me and not believing me and I understand some people choose denial to handle a horrible situation. I’ve completely given her to the Lord. The guy…he’s accountable to God and possibly to the Law if he’s doing more than what I saw, not to me. I just feel really bad for my nephew. Thinking about what may have been going on for awhile to actually lead to this situation. Thinking about how he’s feeling I’m calling him G… now because of my sister, when I’m not.

This was a really hard time to let go and let God deal with it. All I could do is pray for her, asking the Lord to help my sister to protect her son and be more aware of her son’s time with this guy and to help me let go. Which in a few ways she did make changes to some things that her Pastor even said appeared strange in their relationship. I thank the Lord for that. At least someone advised her on guidelines for her son’s relationship with this guy and she listened.

As of yesterday, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve forgiven everyone involved, have put the whole situation in God’s hands for him to handle it, and choosing to not be around anyone that is accepting the made up reality, until the Lord makes a way for any other option than that. I don’t want God to hold me responsible for covering up this situation and denying it happened. No matter what I say, it will be misunderstood. So why put myself, my family, and them in a frustrating position. To keep the peace, we’ll stay away and allow them to believe whatever they want. They have to deal with God about it, just like I do. If they can live with it, they can have it. I can’t live with those facts, because the truth is different.

Wowww….so much for family believing the truth from me. Best thing out of this whole thing, I did discover how everyone felt about the situation and about me. I know where I stand and will take my position with God’s Grace.

Is it worth it?? You decide. Our relationships will now just be cordial and a lot different forever. Guess its just the chance that you take, when you come to a loved one with truth. I hope more people have the guts to confront something that is wrong and I pray it works out better for you if you do.

In conclusion it comes down to this:

Family expects me to go on as if nothing happened and embrace my family alongside this guy.

If I choose not to be around the guy or go on like nothing happened, then I’m judged by the family as being unforgiving, unloving, and whatever else they come up with to call me.

Remind me now…who’s judging who?

I’m asking the family to respect the decision I’ve had to make. From the witnessing point of view. I have forgiven Robin and others and choose to stay away from the nonsense of the truth being hidden. Nothing more.