JabberJuls

Proverbs 10:18 (New Living Translation)
18 Hiding hatred makes you a liar;
slandering others makes you a fool.

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I read this verse today in my daily reading and it hit home for me. Pretty much sums up my situation I’m facing from my brothers and sisters in a nutshell. Telling me after the funeral how they’ve resented Dad’s love for me all my life and we never had a true relationship–I feel They’ve hidden hatred against me in their heart’s for so long. Guess I was the only one living a Fantasy that I had brothers & sisters. They’re good–to smile and hug me and pretend they cared when around me, but hidden inside is pure hatred. I feel sorry for them living that way. I believed our love and relationship to be real, so to face this new reality of theirs is Mind-shattering. My sister Robin feels its her obligation to tell the siblings I’m always a problem (slandering me)–heard her myself as she turned to family right in front of my face at the funeral–instead of seeing me as a sister loving mom and honoring her wishes. Just because I wanted to verify mom’s true wishes about an issue that affected my family, I’m now an outsider to the siblings and mother too backing the craziness. Crazy stuff.

*sharing my shattered heart trying to understand in love. now I understand why the Lord will let go of us and allow us to turn to a reprobate heart– if we reject him. times like these you have to let go if all people see is evil from you when its love and can’t see the good that is honestly in you–what choice do you have? Let Go! Lord, I give this issue to you again. Forgive me for anything I’ve done and I forgive them for not realizing what they are doing.