JabberJuls

My Siblings- It Is What It Is…Nothing!!
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Been thinking about Dad a lot lately and how I so miss our daily conversations of how our days were. Life is getting so busy around us that it was refreshing to stop and hear my comforting Dad’s voice. I miss you Dad and will always cherish our times together. The many memories and pictures we took being together. I love you for treasuring me and not just throwing me to the wind like mom and my siblings. God only knows why they feel that is love to do such a thing. Lord, I give them to you today and pray you help me to continue to move forward. Help me in this life, because this world really sucks.

Well, this is my new challenge in life. Discovering how to move on after this great loss of my Father, my best friend, my counselor, my mentor, my Touch of Jesus on Earth (mercy,grace,love,fearlessness,faith).
Dealing with the other great loss of sisters, brothers, and mother too over deep seated issues they hold against me, which there is no way to be around such manipulation and hatred. I refuse to accept their blame for things they refuse to face the truth about.

Memories I cherish with my Dad:
1. We’d talk several times a day or at the least once a day around 3ish or later in evening.
2. Looking forward to hearing his Voice letting me know all about his daily tasks, journeys, hardships, routines, details that made me feel as if i knew all about him. Then sharing my day with him and knowing his advice, giggles, sadness, caring responses were all out of great love for ME.
3. Spending special times with him. Even just doing household chores, hanging out watching movies, shopping together, going out to eat, 99cent store shopping, bargain hunting, the special goodies and leftovers, the special visits when he was near my home area, the hugs, the BIG HUGS, the time he spent with Tim & Luke teaching them how to work and loving them unconditionally.

I miss you deeply Dad. I know this emptiness is filled with Jesus’s peace he brings. I pray the other siblings take care of Mom as she so desires and in a way that pleases you Lord. Its unfortunate I can’t be around the mental games, but I know you understand and will help me face the reality of this life. Love you Jesus and Thank You for the forever Treasure of knowing YOUR UNCONDITIONAL love through my earthly father’s example.

Dr. Charles Stanley presents an excellent sermon on “Weathering the Storms of Life” In Touch Ministries. Thanks to my friend Jeanne Wong for sharing this with me.

Take a minute and enjoy his notes. It will bless you.

“He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”- Micah 6:8

Wow… to my surprise my sibling honestly believes its OK for her to gossip lies about me to my siblings and mother, hold hidden bitterness and jealousy against me which a few crept out at the funeral, and yet feels I’m under bondage of sin and must surrender to the Lord fully. LOL

BEWARE OF CHRISTIANS LIKE THIS
This paragraph is the perfect example of a Christian that feels they are Holier than anyone or at least me anyway. She doesn’t even know me (She knows my siblings and Mother tho LOL) and yet has made this judgment against me. Scary to know she really believes this is a way to keep peace and unity. Good try, but its time to read it back to yourself Robin and take your advice as well. I’m praying for you to see the Truth too.
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For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
— Jeremiah 29:11

As God is at work in our lives, we may see only a brushstroke here or a dash of color there and say, “Wait. What is this? I don’t know if I agree.” We need to step back and give God room.
There will be an expected end. There will be a completion. And ultimately, it will be good. God had a future for Paul, and God has a future for you. And in that final day, Jesus is not going to say, “Well done, good and successful servant.” He will say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” So be faithful.

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Proverbs 10:18 (New Living Translation)
18 Hiding hatred makes you a liar;
slandering others makes you a fool.

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I read this verse today in my daily reading and it hit home for me. Pretty much sums up my situation I’m facing from my brothers and sisters in a nutshell. Telling me after the funeral how they’ve resented Dad’s love for me all my life and we never had a true relationship–I feel They’ve hidden hatred against me in their heart’s for so long. Guess I was the only one living a Fantasy that I had brothers & sisters. They’re good–to smile and hug me and pretend they cared when around me, but hidden inside is pure hatred. I feel sorry for them living that way. I believed our love and relationship to be real, so to face this new reality of theirs is Mind-shattering. My sister Robin feels its her obligation to tell the siblings I’m always a problem (slandering me)–heard her myself as she turned to family right in front of my face at the funeral–instead of seeing me as a sister loving mom and honoring her wishes. Just because I wanted to verify mom’s true wishes about an issue that affected my family, I’m now an outsider to the siblings and mother too backing the craziness. Crazy stuff.

*sharing my shattered heart trying to understand in love. now I understand why the Lord will let go of us and allow us to turn to a reprobate heart– if we reject him. times like these you have to let go if all people see is evil from you when its love and can’t see the good that is honestly in you–what choice do you have? Let Go! Lord, I give this issue to you again. Forgive me for anything I’ve done and I forgive them for not realizing what they are doing.

Well, after seeing my mother and siblings turn on me and reject me for crazy reasons, I’ve started wondering what my other half sister is like. Being so little when she was around, I really never knew her. Kimberly Bowman (Married name unknown) who are you? I now wonder why Mom refused to let you know Dad died. Why would she hurt so much if you were there? Was Mom jealous of Dad’s love for you too? After discovering this about her now, I truly question her motives with you.

If you are out there Kimberly, I would love to meet you. If anything to just talk about Dad. Feel free to email me at juls2me@yahoo.com. I wish I could’ve gotten to know you.